just me

My fight for access to my son and advice for uk absent parents.

My name is John I'm 28 years old and from Nottingham in the U.K my son Dillan was born in August 2003 so I dis not get the automatic parental responsibility that started getting granted in late 2006 even though I am on the birth certificate and he has my Surname.

me and his mum lived together for 3 years and we split in febuary 2006 and immediatley contact was very difficult to arrange due to her getting a solicitor involved.

I did not get any legal advice as I was working and couldnt get legal aid so I contacted Families Need Fathersand they gave me advice on responding to theletters from Catherine's solicitors.

Eventually Catherine started letting me see Dillan twice a week and this was fine and I even used to stay over at her house and baby sit him if she went away for the night.

In october 2006 i was violently Assaulted and suffered a Traumatic brain injury resulting in me being in a coma for nearly a fortnight and being in hospital for two months. When I came out of my coma I didnt even recognise pictures of Dillan or know who Dillan was, this was due to post traumatic amnesia

when released from hospital catherine asked me if she could sell a story to a magazine telling the story about brain injuries as we still got on for the sake of Dillan even though I made it clear to her we shouldn't really get back together dueee to me still recovering .

she sold a story headlined My boyfriend forgot how to love to NEW magazine. the story basically made out we had split in 2006 but had got back together and now things were great between us.

the magazine story was published in april 2007

in december 2007 my contact with Dillan was stopped by Catherine and had become very difficult in the months leading up to that.

her solicitor at Tallents in mansfield threw every obstacle at me and my Solicitor at Andersons in Notingham I had to fight for my parental responsibilty and as it was alleged I had been violent in our intial relationship and pre injury also it was alleged that after my head injury I had become unpredictable and Violent as some brain injury patients do, but in the 12 months of out patient care which cognitive therapists, occupationa therapist etc this had never been an issue with me.

my solicitor found a Pyscho therapist that specialised in domestic abuse aswell as brain injuries and he did an assesment on me that stated that in his opinion though I had slight brain damage it was not noticable and caused no problems for me and that I posed no risk for unsupervised contact with Dillan.

My solicitor then got me a barrister that put us in Touch with Carter Browns Associates who offered suervised contact at their center so tehy could make an assesment on my suitability to see dillan unsupervised. I did the 6 weeks and they reported taht I should see Dillan unsupervised while undergoing mediation with catherine so we can buil the contact up together and adress any issues we may have with each other.

this has worked out amazingly and I can still rerember how apprehensive Dillan was when he first saw me at the contact center and this saturday when I ropped him off at his mums he ran off to another room and came back all sheepish and stuck something in my back pocket, when I looked at what it was I saw that it was a smily face with "TO DAD LOVE FROM DILLAN"
 

  • Current Mood
    happy happy

new to lost dads/parents

Hello
I am the mother of a 6 year old boy and I do not have primary custody.  I feel isolated often because of this. I have my son every other weekend and every other monday evening during the school year and two weeks on/two weeks off throughout the summer. I talk to him before school every morning and in the mornings on the weekends that I don't have him. Even with the contact I have I am missing out on so much of his life.
I don't have anyone around me who can relate to what I'm going through, though several of my friends will listen.
My divorce was final this past summer. I've been a "part time" parent for almost a year and a half.
I'm just looking for someone who can relate to me.  I know it is not common for the custody to be worked out this way. I hear about mothers who do not have primary custody and the only pictures I see are of drug addicts, crazies, and abusers.
My ex tried to portray me as two of the three. I am not any of the three, though I have had some mental health concerns in the past.
I just went to parent teacher conference with my ex, his gf, my son's teacher and the principal. It was depressing for me becouse the teacher primarally talked to my ex and his gf. The teacher rarely even looked me in the eyes. It all just rubbed in the fact that I don't know the goings on of his day to day life at school and at home after school.  It hurts so badly.
I've cried much of the day today.
  • Current Mood
    sad sad
RENT Light my candle

Letters/emails to lawyer

If there is any advice I would give is to take out all emotional statements and make it all facts. That is what you do with every lawyer or they tune you out, and as short as possible... they skim read.

Just make it factual, not chatty but business like. Strong too.. like asking point blank how to proceed instead of can I?

Also, if there is any way to use bullets to make points or to document items they like that too... 6 bullets with the times from one night hit a person harder than reading (he/she called me six times in 45 minutes)
Griffon

Lost Parents community, not Lost Dads

This last Tuesday, Joe the owner passed away in a tragic traffic accident.

In memory of a good man, Ravenskiss and I are going to continue this community.

I do not consider this a LostDad's community, but a LostParent's community. If you just split up, I hope you are looking for ways to stay in contact with your kids. Alienating one parent over another is not healthy. I know there are exceptions, but I feel that contact with the kids is important. The kids will always look for both parents. Not just one. Just a few posts in the past, there was a post for a Step by Step community and that will also have some great information for Divorced and Remarried families.

Joe had a major struggle to keep his kids vs. a ex wife. The power of a state (Utah) that says that the mom should have her kids, even though she was in and out of jail astounds me.

My story is a lot nicer. I only lost my kids for 2 years. The state (Wisconsin) pretty much automatically gave the kids to the mom. She promptly moved to Minnesota, and she had problems after that. Two years later, I was awarded custody.

Ravenskiss is a weird case, We paid thousands of dollars to come down to 50/50 custody to her Ex. That is really not the huge problem here. Her Ex and Ex's parents are next door neighbors. So the kids only sleep in the fathers house, get ready, do school work, watch TV at the Grandpa and Grandma's house. We have never seen a father fight so hard to give parental custody to the grandparents. At least the kids have no "needs".

I hope to post in here regularly. It is where I met Joe. I started my Live journal account really because of this community roughly 5 years ago. I hope I can be of some help to some parrents out there.

Need Advise

Dads,

I currently see my kids every other weekend and every Friday night. When I have my kids, I feel like I don't know what to do with them. I got divorced last year and of course had my kids full time. I didn't grow up with my parents so I don't know what I am suppose to do with them now. When they come over, we watch alot of tv and watch movies. I sometimes take them to the park or to the zoo. I don't have hardly any money to spend on them since I am paying almost $1000 a month on child support.

I love my kids and want to be a good father for them. I hate to say this but I don't know how I am supposed to be bringing them up. They are 2 and 4 years old.

Anyone in the same boat or have any suggestions?

Thanks!
  • Current Mood
    intimidated intimidated
Marilyn Manson

i just joined this community....

ok,well my name is ashley,im 17 almost 18 in 3 months and 29 days.i kno this community isnt about a death of ur father but about dead beat dads or w/e.but i nneded to find a place where i could tell ppl about my dad and my reason for being the way i am.

ok well,my dad killed himself November 9th,2004.he slit his wrists and hung himself......i wasnt very close to him but i was getting there.i do miss him alot,i have his ashes in my bedroom on an altar with pictures and some of his old things.you see i've been suicidal since i was 11-12 yrs old, i never really understood why it helped me out and then i found out my mom used to do it and my dad did it as well,so now im trying to look for help in other ppl cuz i cant exactly talk to my mom or family.i talk to my friends but its kinda hard for me,i always have to change the subject cuz i end up feeling as if its my fault he killed himself bcuz i never gave him the time of day.so i end up changing the subject.

so yeah,i dont know how this community thing works but i thought i'd try it out.this is the second community i've joined,so yeah,i guess u can say im finally asking for help....but i think thats all i have to say for an introduction,bye.

  • Current Music
    Rob Zombie "Living Dead Girl"
golf smile

Passing it on.

I Am Your Child

I am your child
Living on the Autistic Spectrum.
I am not stupid or insane.
I am just confused in a world that
makes no sense to me.

I am often overwhelmed
By what I see, hear, smell, touch and taste.
I have a low tolerance for change
But I live in an ever-changing world.

So I may retreat into my own little world
Where things don't change
and confuse me.

Some people think I don't have feelings.
I have feelings, but I have trouble controlling them.
Some people think I don't care about friendships
But I really need friends who understand me.

Some people think I have a great memory
For detailed facts and figures.
But I have no "memories" of feeling happy or sad
Though haunted by "memories" of feeling angry or afraid.

You are my parent.
Please be my guide.

I need you to help me make sense of the world
When my senses are overwhelmed by the world.
I need to learn that by gazing into your eyes
You teach me the world can be understood.

I need you to show that it's safe for me
To crawl out of my never-changing world
And to live in your ever-changing world
Because you'll be there to
guide me when I'm confused.

I need you to invite me to talk about things
Without telling me what to say
or how to say it.
Use fewer words so I can focus on your smile.
Though I may talk quickly, I hear slowly.

I need you to help me
To experience the joy of playing together
instead of alone
And to remember
that joy in photographs for years to come.

I need you to show me that I can relate
So I will want to relate
And to learn to move together with others
In this great dance you call Life.

Someday, when your work is done
I will embrace the changes that once frightened me
Because the God who is ultimately in control
Is always there to guide me
And He never changes.


Recipients may copy, reprint or forward all or part of this document to
friends, family, colleagues or professionals, as long as the following
copyright notice and information is included intact:
"C Copyright 2004, Connections Center, All rights reserved.
www.rdiconnect.com"
bruisedlee

(no subject)

Hi. I need some help. I live in LA county in California. Here's the situation:

My cousin Chris is a 16 year old dad who has an 8 month old baby. The girlfriend's mother passed away before the baby was born and her father is a drug addict who couldn't keep up the rent. So they were evicted. The girlfriend has been under our care since before the baby was born. She was over everyday and spent the weekends here with the permission of her father. She is considered part of the family. We have helped her with babysitting, school, any expenses, rides to doctor visits... etc...

Her sister (same age) became pregnant this past summer. Their 33 year old brother called up social services on the father for the eviction (there has been bad blood for years as he's a drug user and got his wife/the kids' mom into drugs and she passed away from hepatitis as a result). This brother hasn't been very involved in the girls' lives and hasn't been involved in the baby's at all. The other family members on her side didnt want or couldn't take her in. So my cousin's mom and her 7 kids and myself have cared for her the whole time since.

Social services came over and talked to the girlfriend last week. She has nowhere else to go so she's going to the brother's house. He's planning on some kind of guardianship over her and is filing to be the caretaker for the baby. My cousin Chris is unsure what to do. Don't they technicaly have joint custody? What can Chris do to guarantee his own visitation? Or the baby spending the night at his house? The girlfriend's brother has already said that he won't permit the girlfriend to come over and wont let the baby stay the night. My cousin will go from seeing his daughter everyday for many hours including the entire weekend to perhaps a few hours a week at best. What steps are there to take? Where can I find information on how he should deal with this? Anybody have experience with this?

Also is there free couseling or some kind of support group to help him understand things?

Thanks so much.